In childhood, parents tried to protect us from bad companies and suspicious friends. Surrounding people really affect us, and they are our reflection. What is shown by your mirror from friends and loved ones?
“Tell me who your friends are, and I will tell you who you are” is a very correct definition. I want changes – carefully look around. Maybe you will notice how your problem is supported by the environment. Children’s therapists often see how a child becomes an expression of family symptoms. Therefore, they work not only with the child, but also with the family as a system. But this is true for adults: the circle of our communication affects us.
To check this, draw your social atom. Put an end to the center, and around your relatives, colleagues, friends. Designate men with triangles, and in circles – women. Determine the distance from the center in accordance with the volume of communication: place a person closer to the center, the more time you spend with him.
Now think about who and how in this atom affects you, who supports your problem, and who helps to solve it or is an example of its resolution.
Those who come to therapy often describe their environment as similar. For example, if you have an inferiority complex and you narcissistically defend yourself from it, devaluing and idealizing others, you will be surrounded by characters who act the same way. The fisherman sees a fisherman from afar, and the complex, in addition to our will, creates a suitable environment that will allow him to remain unchanged and look normal, ordinary. Therefore, he collects around himself those for whom such behavior is the norm.
But now let’s look at our “I” more closely. Even remaining alone, we continue to talk with others, proving our rightness. The psyche is dialogical. Others affect us both outside and inside. We are from other people, and not only from parents. If we start looking for an individual in our “I”, we will find that there is
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nothing like that there, and our whole feature is only in a random set of collective.
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